To Boddah pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins it doesn't affect the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who
seemed to love and relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is
something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of
you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be
to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100 % fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do. God,
believe me I do but it's not enough.
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too ****ing sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces Jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be.
Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because
everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to
where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the
miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very
good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven I've become hateful towards
all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along,
and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I
guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your
letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody
baby! I don't have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out
than to fade away. peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going
Courtney